hazard to my own succes

Tonight I stand at the threshold of something that could mean something totally new for me. It's funny for me to say this, because if you think about it, any given moment at any given point in time could actually mean the beginning of a new era. I guess there are just more specific times that make you realise that you've reached a pivotal point; a determinal factor.

All my life, I have been stubborn. And all my life I have failed to listen to one sentence that has been a thread throughout that life. My parents, teachers and friends alike have all said: Kees is an intelligent and gifted guy, however he is lazy and the only thing standing in the way of his succes is himself. Now as I grow older, I have not realised once, twice or even a dozen times that they were (and still are right), for I have stumbled across that fact a million times.

I was lazy to try out for a scholarship for football (english football that is) that was simply thrown in my laps. I wasted that talent. Then there was my chance to develop my acting and singing on broadway.... Wasted that away too. Let me not even mention all the chances I keep being shown in education. Or how I simply screwed up job interviews for great careers only because I was too lazy to really put my heart into it.

Now I try to look back with honesty and I start doubting whether it was laziness per se. I mean, sure that is an element of it. But maybe it was just me being afraid. Maybe it was fear that made me prevent myself from excelling and giving my all. As much as I portray myself as a tough guy that can handle most anything, I guess the real true reason is that I have shown angst towards a lot of battles and tasks, yet masked it with indifference and laziness.

As a young lad, you get thrown all these possibilities and for while you believe yourself to be immortal and that you get chances like these every day. Surely enough, I have seen many a window closing, only to open up another door to walk through or vice versa. But as I grow older I become less agile to dive into a crevice or have grown too fat to fit through certain doors. I owe it to myself more and more, to try out the opportunities presented at me. If I don't give a shot at the chances that offer themselves to me, there sure as hell won't be someone that does them for me!

I've been offered another shot at one of my old passions.... Let's call it a mistress that I have treated badly.... That passion is acting. Oh how I love to creep into character. Yet because of a certain incident in the past, I became cowardly and stopped exploring that part of me. And now, thanks to a person that is dear to my heart, I am opening myself up towards that old flirt; the art of acting.

So here is my promise, as of now I will charge at the door that has opened up for me. I will embrace acting once more in my arms, and with this new found determination I will overcome my laziness; which is actually cowardice, and I will prove that thread right! Well, only prove it partially right. That I trully am an intelligent and gifted person, and I am going to blow your mind.